This if the eulogy that I delivered at the St. Anthony’s church at Les’ memorial service. I post it here mostly as a way to preserve it for the future, but also for the few people that have asked me for a copy of it.

I have spoken publicly many times, but this time was unique. It was simultaneously the most effortless speech I have given and the most difficult. The text rolled off of my tongue. It was written over the course of a couple of days with very little effort. The eulogy was mostly written from the heart as a collection of stories that I have heard or told about Les. I really only rehearsed it twice, once the night before in front of family at Mike and Jody’s house and the second time was the morning of the services.

While the stories rolled off of my tongue, getting them past my throat was another story. I had practiced techniques to keep from getting choked up as I delivered the speech. The only one that worked was one that I developed during the eulogy: Pick an item in the room and wonder about it. “Look at that marble. I bet that was heavy. Look at the pavers on the floor. I can’t imagine what it took to put all those in.” It worked, but not always. Eventually I had to make eye contact with friends and family and that was simply unbearable. Angie Spallas, with her puffy eyes eventually cracked me and there were several times I had to pause for what felt like an eternity.

I made it through though, and was complimented by quite a few people. In the end I was honored to be asked by the family to give the eulogy,and proud to have given such testament to Les’ life.

Eulogy of Lester Raymond Mielcasz
April 28, 1930-March 6, 2014

As delivered at his memorial service on March 17, 2014 at St. Anthony Parish, Sacramento, California

I’m Steve McClelland, Les’ son-in-law and Lisa’s husband.

I wanted to start out by thanking a few people for helping make today happen and for bringing that special touch to the services: Starting with Father Bong for being there for the family over the last few weeks and for the service and mass today. Thank you, Father. Thanks also to Tony and James Gurrero for the presentation of the gifts. Also to Gina Labella and Mike Wassermann for their readings today, Mike Bobo for his addition to the services on the piano, and finally my wife, Lisa who put the programs together.

Looking out over this crowd, it is great to see such a diverse crowd of friends and family. It is truly a testament to Les’ life. Les was multi-faceted man, involved in so many different groups, clubs and organizations. All of these he would call his circle of friends; his family.

I put together a video of Les’ life which we’ll be showing at the house later today, and by going through so many pictures of his life, I had even more insight into the man that I was only privileged to know for 25 of his nearly 84 years.

First was that Les was never afraid to get in front of a camera. Whether he was wearing a halloween costume or a dress. Whether he was in a good mood or being a grumpy old fart. (Yes, he could be grumpy. If you don’t believe me, you’ve never built a 3000 square foot cabin on Donner Summit with him (as I and the rest of the family did 14 years ago.)

Secondly, that near-constant smile that you see here made him quite photogenic. I scanned and collected more than 300 photos and decided that I’d put them all into the video and then simply delete the bad ones. I deleted 10. I’ll apologize ahead of time: The video’s 15 minutes long.

I want to get back to his circle of friends. Just for starters, he was involved with St. Anthony’s Church, the Elks Club, The Sacramento Valley MG Car Club, and the community of Serene Lakes where we built our cabin.

I’m sorry that I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting any of the Elk’s Club circle of friends because 99 percent of the time when I would drop by the house and ask Les what was new, he would either lead with a story about the Elks, tell me had just come from the Elks, or that he was in a hurry because he was just about to leave for the Elks. He volunteered his time there working on anything from sprinkler to AC to refrigeration repairs. He sat at the bar on a near-nightly basis and enjoyed 2 (and only 2) 5 O’clock martinis. It’s clear that they were an important part of his life. Not the martinis, the Elks Club members… What am I saying? The martinis were certainly right up there.

The Sacramento Valley MG Car Club was just as important. If you don’t know that an MG is, they are those little cars a bit bigger than a go-kart that you always see broken down on the side fo the road. But that is okay, because Les loved to tinker and he owned two of them. In the car club, he was voted best new member and twice voted member of the year. He spent a lot of hours on the road (sometimes literally) forging new friendships, bringing joy into another group of people’s lives. How do you bring joy to a group of people in a car that will barely hold two people? Les used to say that the MG car club was a bunch of people who bought MG’s so they could get together and party. They’ve had some great parties–I’ve been to a few–and it was obvious by the fact that Les brought this circle of friends into other parts of his life that they meant a great deal to him.

One place that he brought them was to our cabin in Serene Lakes. Les has been an active member of the community in Serene Lakes since he built his first cabin in 1968. It was rare to find another thing in life that he loved to talk about more. He served on the Property Owners’ Association and began to forge friendships that would last for more than 45 years. It was very difficult for Les to get cabin fever at our place: More often than not he was off to have dinner with this friend, share a bottle of wine at the lodge with this group, or he was off to barbecue hot dogs at the beach.

He took great pride that his MG was the official lead vehicle–carrying our honorary mayor–in the independence day parade. On any particular weekend “up on the hill”, as he would say, the flow of people that would walk by the house and stop to ask, “Is Les here?” was never ending. He finally took to hanging a martini flag out front to let the throng know he was there.

Les was always surrounded by family–certainly at least since he married Mary Maxson in 1954. In fact, I’ve always sort of felt that it was she who instilled in him the value of family. Mary was only alive for 9 years since I met here, but in that time she rarely allowed us to miss a family dinner at her house.

Family value plays a part in an incredible move, Saving Private Ryan. If you haven’t seen the movie, a band of brothers, so to speak, was ordered into enemy territory during WWII to bring home the main character, Private Ryan. All of the soldiers in the troop eventually give their lives in the pursuit of their goal, and the last one alive tells Private Ryan two words before he dies: “Earn this!” Private Ryan spends the rest of his life doing just that. If you haven’t seen the move…don’t bother. I just spoiled the ending for you.

I don’t know Les’ band of brothers was. Perhaps some fellow Air Force buddies. And I don’t know what it was that he spent the rest of his life trying to earn. But what I do know is that for as long as I have known him, he has always tried to earn it; to be the better person, to do the right thing and to not only make his life better, but also the lives of those around him.

Perhaps what he was trying to earn was the second chance at life that he was given. Les beat cancer nearly 20 years ago. In fact he beat it twice. And in the time since then he seemed to wake up each day knowing that since he had beat cancer he had a new lease on life. Those close to him saw a softening of this former Air Force training officer. He had become a kinder, gentler man, more accepting of people. His circle of friends seemed to grow immensely.

I’ve been talking today about some of the great friends that Les had, and about how important family was to him. The truth is, to Les, friends and family were one and the same. Every single Christmas, Thanksgiving, weekend at the cabin, party…you name it, was not just full of brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles and cousins. It was full of friends too.

Circles of friends were not overlapping in Les’ life. They were really just one big circle that was labeled, “family.”

I was fortunate enough to find a video clip in which Les said that to he and Mary, family was very important. “Family,” he said, ”Family is life.”

If Les were here today, I guarantee you he would put his arm around you and lean in in that way that he did, and urge upon you three things:

Don’t wait to beat cancer.

Make your circle of friends your family.

And…make your family your life.

I’ve asked my daughter Emily to come up and read a short poem.

Emily: This is a poem that I found in my grandfather’s office. It was cut out of the newspaper and pinned up on his bulletin board since 1982. It it by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.