While digging through my filing cabinet recently I came upon a long-lost treasure; a hard copy of the Lisionary. While Lisa and I were still dating I felt the need to preserve all of Lisa’s unique pronunciations of the English language. I would also include her self-created slang, witty colloquialisms and downright butchered words too.

Her over-protective mother never found the humor in it. She missed the point. Lisa’s foibles are endearing to me. I didn’t want them to simply fall by the wayside. I wan’t to remember them in all their glory. If I happen to dig out the 18-year-old single sheet of paper and poke a bit of fun at Lisa now and again or post it on a blog as a cyber-jab in the ribs, then her mother had a point. But Lisa can take it, and for that I love her even more.

Some favorites:

fyeron, n. (freon) a refrigerant and propellant for aerosols. “If your car’s air conditioner isn’t working, and it’s brand new, maybe it just needs some more fyeron.” Interesting note: Lisa’s dad works in the heating and air conditioning business.

chain junkie, n. (chain monkey) Those guys that wear the little yellow suits and stand out in the snow waiving Coleman lanterns to entice you into paying 15 bucks to put your snow chains on. “Next time I’d rather just pay the chain junkies to put my chains on than go through what Jen and I went through that time we had to use our shoelaces to hold our chains on.”

Simmeroff, n. (Smirnoff) The brand name of a popular distilled beverage. Used to tell someone who had drinken a bit too much to “chill out.” “Simmer off! You’ve had too much of that Simmeroff.